- A scar running from below my sternum down to my pubic bone, which makes it hard to stand upright but strangely satisfying to lay flat (slowly).
- Multiple holes on my left arm from three IV leads: two veins and an arterial. The arterial is numb and tingly and feels like it’s about 3″ shorter than the rest of my arm. The line they pulled out of there was the diameter of a garden hose, I swear.
- Multiple scars on my right arm from two IV leads, both veins.
- A hole in my stomach to the right of where my bellybutton was from the drain. They just pulled out the hose and taped it over with some gauze. HOW ARE MY INTESTINES NOT OOZING OUT OF THIS?
- A crick at the base of my skull from the 1″ thick hospital pillow. I should have asked for six of them.
- A sore spot at the base of my spine from the hospital bed.
- A finicky right knee, still recovering from the pre-surgery radiation. It’s still numb and if it hasn’t been stretched every half-hour or so it locks itself up.
- Sparse, eleventh-grade fuzz breaking out in my moustache/goatee area. It’s coming in lighter and more random than puberty but the effect is the same.
- General aches and pains from being laid up in bed for a week. Overall I feel like I did 3 rounds with an MMA fighter.
