Technology lets us do things faster and more efficiently; why would we use that newfound free time to do more and more of the same old thing? I’m not just talking about smarter consumption of content like Johnson is– I’m also saying, fuck consumption.

I spend about two hours each night on the bed looking at my laptop before I go to sleep. Sometimes I’m watching TV and looking at the computer, sometimes I’m switching to my phone. And the whole time, I’m wishing I was doing something else–I spend eight hours a day looking at a computer, why the hell am I doing it when I get home?

So I’ve started a list of things—small things—that I can accomplish with the 1-2 hours of free time I have after Finn goes to bed. Things like spending non-TV time with my wife, reading, doing self-assigned illustration projects, cleaning my workbench, untangling the nest of wiring in the basement, (when the weather warms up) maintenance on the cars, etc. With each one of these things there are ancillary tasks that must be accomplished before I can begin, and those will be part of the list. I’m going to try and close the laptop when I get home and leave it until I get to work the next morning, unless I’m using it to create, not consume.

Addendum: I read this article abut the top five regrets of the dying, and I’m going to try and use it as a roadmap for the time I’d like to reclaim.

This week has been a blur of sleep-work-home-sleep with no productive outcome. I spent about 3/4 of my work week in Photoshop compositing images for a client but we haven’t sold a concept yet. I broke up a three-week Scout drought for Wednesday’s commute, and was rewarded by a minor fender bender on the 395 onramp.

The keg of Dead Ringer IPA in the kegerator still hasn’t carbonated fully; there’s a hint of fizz in there, but not as much as I’d like. I have plans to brew with my neighbor tomorrow afternoon—he has two batches fermenting and a third to brew, as well as a propane-fired stove in his garage. He’s also my A/V expert, being an electrician by trade, so I’m going to finalize my television mounting plan with him.

I’m trying to motivate myself to start shooting pictures again. My commute has been a predictable figure-8 for the past three years, and as a result I don’t see new things for inspiration. The solution could be adding an extra ten minutes to my morning commute to find new routes into work, as well as more trips out with the girls to explore. I’m also considering the purchase of some 120 film to roll onto 620 spools so that I can shoot some black and white pictures of the girls.

We’ve had two very busy days, each ending in late bedtime. Friday Jen and I picked the girl up from daycare and drove to our friends’ house for a lovely backyard barbecue, with excellent food and conversation among the music of crickets and cicada. Finn fearlessly climbed the treehouse ladder and called to me quietly for help when it was time to come down; I must have climbed that ladder for her five times, happy to see she’d made it up there on her own with no complaint (I’d say it was a full story high). Late in the evening, as dusk gave way to shadow, after accompanying her to the bathroom, I followed her back out of the house, smiling wide as she bound fearlessly into the dark ahead of me looking for adventure.

Saturday morning I brought her shopping with me, and in the car we had a long talk about throwing fits when she didn’t get her way. She knew there was a pool party planned and I made it clear that she needed to behave if she wanted to go. She did really well sticking with me in the Target, Old Navy, and finally the Kohl’s, where she got close to a meltdown after running off on her own. I took her to a quiet corner and reviewed the rules, and we came to an agreement after some deep breaths and discussion. From there, we picked up groceries and headed home.

After naptime, I packed her up with a fresh bowl of guacamole and a bag of beach gear and we drove out into a light drizzle to a pool party thrown by my boss; a little downpour didn’t spoil the fun, so we all just stayed inside. Finn’s already met almost everyone there, but it wasn’t until she’d had some food that she finally warmed up to the crowd. And then, there was no stopping her. Four hours later, at the time she’s usually putting head to pillow, she was blowing kisses and making the rounds, charming everyone she touched. There was no drama, no screaming; the worst point was when I had to wave off the third cupcake, and then have a quick chat to remind her of our agreement (a clean plate of real food first and then dessert). All afternoon I kept a close eye on her from afar, and everything I saw looked good—let’s just say I didn’t have to go running to correct anything the entire visit.

We talked about our day and sang to each other on the way home (Eyes Without a Face, She Drives Me Crazy, and I Love Rock ‘N’ Roll were standouts), and when she went down for sleep, she stayed down. I’ll take another fifteen years of days like that, thank you very much.

Meanwhile, my Moleskine notebook and sunglasses have gone missing somewhere in the house ever since I got back from Bennett’s place this weekend. I’ve grown accustomed to carrying my notebook with me everywhere I went, writing notes down for myself (it’s little more than a reminder/planner, but for my attention span, the perfect size and shape) so I’m feeling a huge hole in my conscious brain every five minutes, when I think of something else to do, check on, or remind myself of. I’ve had it for about two weeks shy of a year, so the habit is strong. I tore the house upside down last night looking for it, but it wasn’t until this morning when I realized my sunglasses are gone too—this is a good thing, because it means both things made it back inside after my trip on Saturday, so they must be someplace inside the house. The question remains: where?

We got some smiles and laughs from the other shoppers as well as a few puzzled looks, and a woman who hurried away from us after snatching her soda off the shelf, but it was worth it.

We also had the good fortune to be invited to a pre-holiday party on Saturday evening, hosted by some new friends, and found it (and them!) to be warm, funny, and engaging. Candles set a cheery mood, Interesting people mingled, tasty foods were assembled, wine and beer flowed freely, and children of all ages ran underfoot up and down the stairs. Finn is getting to the age where she’s beginning to explore and socialize more on her own, and before we even got her coat off she was wandering inside to check out the scene.

This is all new territory for Daddy, because I’m used to chaperoning her relatively closely. At this age I’m not afraid she’ll eat the sofa cushions, but lately she’s been very interested in building towers to get up onto the dining room table and bringing us random items from previously inaccessible locations. When faced with a household where other children her age live, I figured the breakable stuff was already put away, so Mama and I hung back a bit in an unspoken agreement to see how she would handle the situation. Apart from a request for some hors d’oeuvres, she spent a good bit of the evening out of our direct eyesight, which was nice for Mama and I, even though we each admitted to keeping at least one eye peeled for her. And mostly, it went really well. She mingled and played and found things to do with new kids she’d just met. At one point she went upstairs to play with the bigger kids and apparently got very scared by something; luckily Mama was coming up at that exact moment to check on her and Finn came back down with us until she felt a bit safer.

I find myself going back to my internal argument about being a helicopter dad vs. letting her experience things on her own, and peeking in on her as she watched and played with the other kids in the living room filled me with a heady, sickening mixture of love, fear, hope, dread, and bittersweet sadness. She is the most amazing creature on this earth, and I will do absolutely anything for her. I also realize she must try and fail and love and hurt on her own, making sure that I am nearby to pick her up, brush the dust off, dry her tears, and send her back out on her own to try again. The urge to wrap her in my arms and protect her from everything is overwhelming, but I know I’d only do her more harm in the long run by fighting her battles for her, and the knowledge that she’s growing up so fast and gaining independence with every passing day is both a source of pride and an ache in my heart. On the day when she is too big to ride on my shoulders and play with my ears, laughing, as we stroll to the park, I’m going to have to find a nice quiet spot by myself to be alone for a while.

It’s cold and dreary in Baltimore (again) but that didn’t stop me from driving the Scout in to work yesterday. The soft top is back on for the duration of the winter so the cabin is relatively warm, and with the heat turned up the only cold chill I feel is on the back of my neck, which reminds me of Chewbacca in the old days. After work I drove up to MICA for the first evening of a figure drawing class, something I’ve done on and off for the past ten years. It was kind of strange to be back on the third floor of Main building for the first time in 20 years. The class went well, even though I was positioned poorly for the first half and the better model was doing the long pose (the other model was a disagreeable woman they’ve used since I was an undergrad).

Finn is in a state of serious separation anxiety, or perhaps suffering from the lingering effects of a cold. Everything has been “Iwantmymama” followed by uninterrupted crying jags for about the past week or so; any refusal to provide service immediately results in hysteria. We could be in the Terrible Twos or fighting off the flu, but it’s hard to tell when proper sentences can’t be formed.

In the meantime, we cranked up the heat at the house for the first time on Monday to battle an early cold snap, which has me considering replacement windows in certain key locations. The biggest offender at present is the west window in the attic, which currently holds a vintage air conditioner of dubious quality and indeterminate weight. Last year I wrapped the entire thing in plastic but that was only a temporary fix. Off the shelf replacement windows can be had for as cheap as $88 at Lowe’s but I would need to get a three-story ladder to place it properly from outside (Or I could just cheat and do it from inside, which is more likely).

We’re also waiting on replacement windows and doors for the side porch, which have been on order since before our vacation. I need to block out time over this coming weekend to clean off the side porch (top floor) and do as much demolition as possible before Mr. Scout is ready to start, which will most likely be in the middle of October. The trick will be getting it hauled out, which I may try to do in loads with the Scout.

Somebody in Baltimore thought it would be a good idea to host a Grand Prix race downtown in 2011, which means they’ve been blocking off and ripping up giant swaths of concrete and pavement throughout the neighborhood where my office is located. All of this means A. I won’t be in the city on the one day they run the race, and B. my commute has gotten interminable because every available artery coming north from I-95 is down to two usable lanes or clogged with people like me trying to find alternate routes.