Give Thanks for Coffee and Carrot Cake.

I stopped into Zeke's Coffee in Lauraville this afternoon to say hi to the Toddfather and pick up some beans. While I was there, he gave me an impromptu primer in small-batch coffee roasting and let me shoot a few pictures.

Zeke's takes pride in buying beans from single plantation growers, insuring the beans are of the highest quality, and roasts them in small batches using hot fluid air, much like a popcorn popper, for a consistent and even roast.

They've been in business since 2005, and their coffee is featured in restaurants and cafes across Baltimore. The selection has grown by leaps and bounds since I'd been there last, and they have a huge selection of organic and fair trade varieties. I can't wait for tomorrow morning's cup!

On the subject of food and friends, I should also mention the excellent meal we shared with Mr. and Mrs. Scout the other evening at the Salsa Grille, a Spanish/Latin American restaurant hidden in an otherwise unassuming strip mall just inside the Beltway. While the bench seating was a little uncomfortable, the atmosphere was friendly, the wait staff was attentive, and the food was delicious. I had the Caribbean Paella (I know, I know, but I wanted chicken and seafood) which was large enough for two people but good enough to make me try to eat the whole thing. I left impressed enough to move this to the top of our local restaurant choices.

After dinner, I tempted our company with the promise of cake, and we stopped into the Catonsville Gourmet to see what they had left. Even though the wait staff was closing up for the night, they carved us four slices of cake, offered us milk and coffee, plied us with water, and made us feel at home, something I doubt we'd find at most other restaurants where the chairs were already up on the tables. (Their service has always been nothing but impeccable). We were finally able to get Mrs. Scout the carrot cake she wanted for her birthday, while Jen and I were able to satisfy the craving for chocolate cake we've had for a week. And, because we were commenting on it but did not order it, they gave us a slice of Smith Island cake on the house. Their desserts are all from Sugarbakers, and they did not disappoint. It felt great to get out and enjoy good company on a random Tuesday given the rapidly approaching Life Event. Especially with cake.

Jen has gotten the baby's room as close to done as possible; this weekend I will be moving the office downstairs and clearing out space for a third bedroom so that we might finally be able to clean something. Mr. Scout will be by on Saturday to install the final door while I try to tie up a bunch of unfinished projects before the weekend evaporates. (The lawn? I mowed it this evening, for the first time in a month.)

Posted on September 18, 2008 10:43 PM | link to this entry | comments (2)

South & Lombard, Tuesday Afternoon.

I could use a little luck this week. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Posted on September 4, 2008 10:25 AM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Flat Out.

August has been a marathon, so I haven't been writing much around here. I'm dealing with a lack of time and anything very important to say, sadly. You wouldn't know it from the hackneyed sentences and dangling conclusions of my posts, but I do spend a lot of time trying to make sense of the voices in my head and then write down what they say in a logical fashion. This means I've got a pile of half-finished entries from the last few weeks, most of which you will probably never see. The other problem is that because I'm either hunched over my keyboard or sanding something on the porch, I don't get out much, so I don't have anything exciting to talk about other than the same three subjects.

Some things I am interested in, in no particular order:

The Nikon D90 is a prosumer-level DSLR with a full-size 12.3 MP chip (something only found in the pro grade camera bodies), high/lo ISO performance, 3 inch LCD, and HD Video. MSRP is $1000 for the body, and we'll have to see what it retails for, but it looks like I've found the successor to my D70.

I love the final shirt in the Venture Brothers Shirt Of The Week Club, featuring the steely visage of (now deceased) Henchman 24. Money is tight, though, so I will probably pass on it.

Based on a comment left in a BoingBoing Gadgets post, I am once again using Remote Desktop to control my music server, in the basement, from my iMac, on the third floor. I didn't realize all the functionality of the Remote Desktop application was built into OS 10.5 and compatible with 10.4. So what does all of this mean? I can now add ratings and playlists to the machine downstairs from my desk, making life a little more random and a lot less difficult.

Oh, and there's this:

What I'm trying to do is apologize for sounding like a hamster on a wheel. I promise I'll make it up to you in the coming months.

Posted on August 27, 2008 12:57 AM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Test Result.

Sage, it turns out, has small-cell carcinoma, another way of saying "lung cancer". They give him 3 to 6 months.

Posted on July 17, 2008 11:25 AM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Lone Star.

Ever since I've known my wife, I've been content to be the number two man in her life. Her first love, her true love, is a 76-year-old Texan with a white whisker, bad breath, an the sweetest disposition of anyone I've ever met. His name is Sage, and we were told this evening that he has advanced-stage cancer, spreading from his chest into his lungs. We looked at the X-rays of his long, lean body stretched across the film, the doctor pointing out the masses here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here, and each tap of her finger made my throat get tighter. This isn't fair. The tough little bastard beat diabetes, for Christ's sake. That bitch cancer took one good cat away, and now she's come for another.

He spent the night at the cat hospital down the road, where an internist is going to perform an ultrasound this morning to confirm and isolate each of the masses. Hopefully then he can perform a biopsy and tell us exactly what Sage is dealing with.

Posted on July 1, 2008 8:51 AM | link to this entry | comments (2)

A Quiet Sunday.

I got a call early Sunday from my neighbor, who recently purchased a pretty green Defender 90, a Land Rover variant with a short and cloudy history here in the U.S. He'd just gotten wind of a Land Rover meetup in Columbia and asked if I'd like to ride along.

Well, duh!

We found a line of Rovers in a restaurant parking lot and walked around, chatting up the other folks in attendance; in comparison to the Scout aficionados I used to meet with, these were generally older, wealthier people with an affinity for offroading and the horrors of English electronics. Over a barbecue lunch, we swapped stories ad tips with some of the other owners, and I was tempted sorely by several people who tried to win me over to the dark side (I was wearing a Scout T-shirt). I told them it really wouldn't be that hard—if I didn't have a Scout, I'd have an old series Rover for certain. And, of course, there was an example present that made me a little misty:

This is an absolutely cherry Series 1, an exceptionally early example, done up in a paint scheme and soft top color that took my breath away, because it reminded me of an old friend:

I miss my old girl.

Posted on June 30, 2008 11:33 AM | link to this entry | comments (0)

A Strange Visit.

Working in the backyard on Sunday morning, Jen came to me and asked if I'd seen the instrument case hidden behind the neighbor's garage that abuts our yard. I went to investigate and found a full-size cello case laying on its side in a pile of brush behind our mulch piles, not a place I'd prefer to see a stringed wooden instrument stored. Fearing someone had stashed it there for nefarious reasons, I placed it upright and we left it there for the day to see if someone came to claim it.

At dusk, I went back out and swapped it for a small note taped to the wall of the garage: "We didn't want your friend getting wet. Ring the bell at the blue house." (It was threatening to rain last night). Inside the case is a full-size student cello, made last year, in great shape save a cracked neck arch.

Something about this is very wrong; the house behind us is occupied by a single woman with no children. The garage itself is locked, but there's a canvas awning to the side where the cello could have been stored out of the weather and eyesight. And why not the back porch of the house? If a child was locked out of the house, only to come back later, why not just leave it up there? This smells fishy to me, like someone stole it and stashed it.

So what should I do if someone actually does come to claim it? My respect for stringed instruments (I played upright bass for eight years) says I shouldn't on easy on the punk who left it outside; it's going to depend on who rings the bell, I suppose. If it's a concerned parent, it's a no-brainer. If it's a nervous kid, do I call their folks? If it's a tweaker, I ask them to describe it and see how they do, but what then? Ideas?

Posted on June 23, 2008 11:18 AM | link to this entry | comments (2)

Sorry, Buddy.

You had the misfortune of finding your way into the most unfriendly house possible, and paid for it with your life. We're really a bird-loving house, if you can believe that; the fact that we have four cats does not diminish our respect for your beauty or abilities. When my pregnant wife brought you out to me, a look of focused concern on her face, I knew things weren't good for you, even before I saw the blood on your breast. You were fighting to hold on, even though every nerve in your body was screaming FLY AWAY DAMMIT, but we could tell your back was most likely broken and all the wires were crossed. Instead, you laid in her small hand and defiantly stared at us with one dark eye, all three of us knowing what was coming and powerless to stop it.

In death you look less like a warrior and more like a disheveled pile of feathers, earthbound and cold. I apologize for not being skilled enough to capture your real essence: master of the sky, weightless and free, the way we all wish to live.

Posted on June 19, 2008 2:34 PM | link to this entry | comments (0)

That Could Have Gone Better.

Remember when we were kids, and we'd play games out in the street or in someone's backyard, and we'd call a do-over? Somebody'd kick the ball into a bush, or a car would come down the road right in the middle of an important play, and it was universally understood that things would just rewind a couple of minutes and start again, like erasing a videotape. Well, I'd like a do-over for most of yesterday, please.

It started out on an upbeat note; Mr. Scout brought over the window regulator for the Jeep and we tore the door down to put it in; unfortunately, the part was not a match to the one in my Jeep, and there seemed to be no way to use parts from the replacement to fix the broken unit.

We then decided to take advantage of the weather and go back to the pick & pull yard to hunt more Jeeps. It seems that parts (and part vehicles) are more plentiful for Grand Cherokees than for the regular model, both online and in the junkyard, and my particular model (2-door, second generation, power window) is even rarer than the 4-door. We did however find a junked PT Cruiser, which featured luxurious bucket seats that are supposed to be bolt-in replacements for Scout seats. Eight bolts later, we were walking up to the pay area with the seats on our heads, but not before making a detour to a section of the yard we hadn't seen before, featuring some ancient Detroit iron: a three-porthole Buick, a rounded early 50's Ford, and a pair of Opels, among other things. I shot about ten pictures, and we were on our way. As we got up to the counter, the redneck in charge of shoplifting told me they have a strict no-camera policy, and made me erase my memory card after giving me some bullshit about smashing lenses.

Returning to the Scout we'd found last week, we pulled a lot of plastic and other rare parts, having no luck pulling the hubs or the seat bases. It was about this time I checked my phone and found this lovely sight:

I don't know when or how it happened, but it was enough to ruin my day right there. Strangely, I can still call in and out, and the touchscreen still works on the damaged areas. I'm going to visit the Apple store to see if there's some kind of repair they can make; if not, it looks like I'll be purchasing a 3G iPhone earlier than I planned.

My afternoon was spent working on an illustration; I decided to experiment with an idea I'd had a few months ago to see what results I'd get, using the negative space instead of the positive. The results were a lot less than I'd hoped for.

The linework looks cheaper, like a quick marker drawing, and not expressive like I'd imagined. It also could be because I've been having problems getting my cutting nibs to vary line weights properly—they seem to get dull very quickly, which is not what I'm used to. If I could regulate line weight better, I'd be happier with the results.

I took the same sketch and started making a traditional cut, and about three-quarters of the way through I realized the initial sketch, while reasonably good, did not capture McCain the way it should, and the resulting piece looks like someone else (Jen says it's Ed McMahon). His head is not as long as I'd made it here, and his distinguishing features aren't represented well enough.

There were several highlights from yesterday, so it's not like I was constantly followed by a black stormcloud: we have Andersen 400-series windows officially on order for the front porch. Jen had a great client meeting on a new project, and we got our second delivery from the organic farm (I don't know how we're going to eat all this lettuce, chard, and spinach). I was just hoping to produce a success of my own, something I'm sure everyone can understand.

So it's back to the drawing board for Jeep, phone, and scratchboard.

Update: One trip to the Apple Store, my choices were thus:

1. Continue to use the busted phone and guess at everything on the left side of the screen.
2. Wait until July and buy a new 3G iPhone for $200, but take an additional $10/mo. hit on my data plan.
3. Spend $250 to replace my iPhone with another 1st gen model.

I chose 3, because I'd love to have the 3G but I don't want to pay AT&T an additional $120/mo. for features I may not even use. As it was, when the Genius rang me out, he told me happily they'd just reduced the replacement cost from $250 to $199, so I "saved" a little more money.

Upon inspection of the iPhone cases available at the store, only a select few might have protected my phone from catastrophic screen damage, and they tended to be the ugliest offerings on the shelf. (Imitation calfskin? stitched black leather? I don't think so).

Posted on June 13, 2008 8:56 AM | link to this entry | comments (2)

¿dónde está mi dinero?

So where exactly is the refund check that lying squinty-eyed fuck mortgaged my future for?

Posted on June 2, 2008 2:29 PM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Car Shopping.

I've lately been scouring back issues of Consumer Reports, reading on different cars, determined to find the one that will provide the best balance of mileage, protection, space, and value. Reliability is key, because if we actually do buy a car, it's going to need to last the three of us a good long time. I started with the Honda Fit, thinking small and nimble meant gas-frugal. When my neighbor found out what I was looking at, he told me to consider an Accord, which he claimed had comparable gas mileage and offered more protection. Consumer Reports put that myth to bed, but I then looked at a Civic, which isn't that much more expensive than a Fit but offers plenty of room and similar efficiency.

For comparable cars, I'm adding in the Scion Xd due to the mileage and reliability ratings, as well as the Nissan Versa and the Toyota Matrix. Even though Jen's 10-year-old Saturn coupe gets 40mpg, modern Saturns are out due to reliability issues and lousy gas mileage, and I'm ruling out any other American brands for the same reason. Subarus are out due to thirsty AWD, as is the Mazda3. I refuse to buy a Hyundai, Kia or Suzuki because I already own enough plastic toys.

Note: I also looked at hybrids but I'm not impressed with the available space: if I need to cart baby, luggage, and X-mas presents around, interior room will already be at a premium. I also looked at VW's TDI offerings, but their cumulative reliability ratings leave me shivering with fear.

To level the playing field, I'm trying to stick with the same basic setup in each car. As much as I hate the idea of a 4-cylinder for durability, it's the best mileage option. A stick shift is a no-brainer; we both prefer them, they're cheaper, and they get better mileage. Crash ratings are important to us, obviously, but I understand I can't own an Excursion and expect to afford the gas, so I'm going with the offense-is-the-best-defense strategy. Each of these cars have standard front and side curtain airbags and ABS brakes.

So what's the deal with the Civic getting 22 city and 40 highway? That seems like an awful big spread to me. If I lived in a more rural area, I'd say Civic all the way, but I'm in one of the more congested corridors of the East Coast. I'll take 33mpg in the city, thank you. I like the idea of a hatchback, and I intend on putting a good-quality roof rack on whatever we buy, as well as a hitch (if I can).

We also have two glowing reviews from Fit owners vs. one from a former Accord owner. My ex used to have a Civic, and I enjoyed that car well enough to consider one of my own. Much of the final decision will involve a test drive.

To be continued...

Posted on May 13, 2008 9:49 AM | link to this entry | comments (6)

Hospital Visit.

I'm currently upstate visiting my Dad, who's recovering from surgery on his ticker. He's currently waiting to get the stupid tube taken out of his throat so he can talk again instead of us having to struggle to understand his handwriting.

Posted on May 8, 2008 5:14 PM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Evening.

Last night, Jen and I took advantage of the warm weather and clear evening sky to take a long walk around the neighborhood, stopping to smell the last of the blooming plants, shrubs, and trees, say hello to the people we've met along our route, and finish the walk with a cone of chocolate ice cream. Sometimes the greatest pleasures in life really are the simple ones.

Posted on May 3, 2008 11:15 AM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Lousy Tuesday.

We're still working remotely from the local Panera because the crack Verizon repair team can't get off their asses to fix our phone line until next Wednesday. Meanwhile, the clutch on our commuting vehicle blew up yesterday, stranding Jen on the side of the road. No word on the damage to the car or our bank account yet, but when the repair bill, taxes for 2007 and projected taxes for Q1 of 2008 are paid, we're going to be left with pennies to rub together. Let us hope the news gets better the further we get into April.

Update: It's only the shift linkage, which is a $500 repair and not a $2,000 repair, thank Jeebus. And, it was Wednesday, not Tuesday; this is what happens when I don't have my internets.

Posted on April 10, 2008 1:59 PM | link to this entry | comments (2)

Spring Around The Corner.

This morning, waiting for coffee to brew, I was sleepily cleaning the dishes in the sink when I spied the first three dirty yellow male finches of the season on our thistle feeders, munching away. By the time I was able to get to my camera and put the long lens on, they were gone.

Posted on March 14, 2008 4:48 PM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Productivity.

Where last week was a blur of focused energy and productive creativity, this week seems to be a shapeless, formless blob of fog. My attention span is scattered across several fronts and I'm finding it hard to concentrate. Perhaps more coffee will help.

Posted on March 12, 2008 1:59 PM | link to this entry | comments (0)

The King Of Beers.

I couldn't wait for the full two weeks to pass, so I popped one of the beers in our basement and sampled the brew this evening. The result: A rich, medium hopped wheat beer with a sweet finish and a pleasant carbonation. Very tasty.

Posted on February 28, 2008 10:26 PM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Upgraded Seats.

The site isn't quite finished yet, but I'm writing here anyway. MT 3.3 is pretty slick. I'm now only two years behind the technology curve instead of four, which will provide things like better spam filtering, a refined editing space, and better plugins. After this exercise is finished, I'm going to take a long hard look at upgrading to 4.1 now that my puzzle-solving synapses have warmed up.

Other than that, things around Idiot Central are pretty quiet. On Saturday I stopped over to the Beerfather's house to bottle the result of our efforts: two and a half cases of wheat beer, sitting neatly in the basement fermenting on the shelf where I stored the bin full of Scout parts. He and I are hatching plans to go wrenching on the truck this coming weekend, something that leaves me with a bittersweet taste in my mouth: I'm excited for him. His enthusiasm reminds me of myself ten years ago when I had a lot more money and big plans for my new truck, but it will admittedly be hard not to feel like I failed in my efforts to keep it in shape. So I'll be bringing a box of tissues along with my socket sets on Sunday, and try to keep the blubbering to a minimum.

I'm also signed up for some photography this weekend—the paying kind, and it will have me dusting off the panoramic rig for the tripod I was testing out last spring. I have to buy some cheap spotlights this week, and I'll have to spring for a copy of Stitcher to process the photos, but I'm excited to finally start working on this for real, and this time it's all paid for.

My Mom's new MacBook showed up last Friday, and I've played with it only enough to update the software. It's a really nice little machine—it feels solid, it's quick, and she's going to get a kick out of the built-in camera as well as a fresh battery. I got her old Pismo in the mail yesterday, so I'm going to transfer her data over and set her up with a chat account so I can use screen sharing to troubleshoot any problems with her machine. Meanwhile, I'm helping Jen's father work through problems with his wireless printer. Troubleshooting Vista over the phone has been like doing this year's taxes while guiding a non-english speaker through a root canal on a CB radio. He will explain what he sees on his screen, and I will frantically Google whatever he can describe to figure out what to do (I don't own a copy, and am trying to avoid buying one). Adding to the pain is the fact that his patch cords have all vanished, leaving him with no way to directly connect to his printer. Argh!

Guitar lessons have gone reasonably well; I missed last week's lesson but got back in the groove this Tuesday. It's to the point now where I miss playing it if I go too long without it, which I'm taking as a good sign. I also broke down and bought an electric tuner after consistently coming in for lessons out of tune.

Add to all of this the fact that it's half past February and I've only done one illustration this year. I need to clone myself.

Posted on February 21, 2008 9:45 AM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Rumble.

I don't have a whole lot of money to throw around right now, but there's a solid-state Acoustic 120 bass head for sale on Craigslist right now. We had one of these in high school, with a matching 2x15" cabinet, and I remember it blowing the paint off the walls at volume 5 or so. Eventually I'd like to build a nice retro bass cabinet setup, but it gets further down on my list as time goes on. Besides, I'm more concerned about my acoustic guitar, which has developed a nasty buzz at the second fret on the two middle strings. It didn't sound this way in practice on Tuesday, and it's not like I've used it to drive railroad spikes since my lesson, so the phantom buzz is disturbing. I hope I haven't broke my guitar.

I decided instead to go for a tax writeoff and buy a copy of Leopard, as well as brokering the purchase of a new MacBook for my Mom, who is limping along with an old Pismo and wondering why she's out of room on the hard drive. 6 gigs won't get very far these days. She's getting a sweet little setup and I am gaining the ability to troubleshoot her machine remotely, which will save us many headaches down the road.

Posted on February 8, 2008 5:02 PM | link to this entry | comments (0)

Indian Spring

Two tentative forays into future technology have been accomplished here at Idiot Central, both involving radio. Regular readers will recall my annoyance and distaste with the stock Chrysler radio in my Jeep, which craps out after the temperature rises over 80° or when it passes a strong radio tower (I used to turn it off on my way to work every day, coming and going, at the Reisterstown exit for this very reason).

Well, Santa brought me a fancy new car stereo, one with a detachable face, a CD player, and most importantly, an auxilliary input on the front. And it's not made out of candle wax and chewing gum, ensuring it will function at temperatures found most commonly in the dashboard of a black vehicle. I installed it this evening and it sounds fantastic.

Secondly, he brought a subscription card for the XM radio set we've had sitting in our closet since 2006. Hallelujah! Thank you, Santa.

In unrelated news, I was able to take advantage of 45 minutes outside in 69° weather yesterday to get the rest of the cabinet sanded down to bare wood, and one door heatgunned and sanded. There will be a lot more finish sanding to do with sheets of paper and elbow grease, but the big annoying work has been completed.

Posted on January 10, 2008 5:40 PM | link to this entry | comments (0)

A Better Idiot 2008.

Making lists helps me keep my fractured brain organized, and I decided it was time to get off my ass and make a list of stuff I've been saying I want to do but haven't actually begun. Here they are in no particular order:

• Update: Ride a unicycle.
• Learn how to ride a motorcycle properly, and get a license. Motorcycle Safety Foundation, Popular Mechanics article
• Learn how to clean and care for a revolver, automatic, and rifle.
• Take and pass a CPR class for certification.
• Play the guitar. - Lessons paid for
• Take a small engine repair course.
• Take a basic algebra class, in preparation for computer programming classes. - Home schooling started 3.7
• Get an illustration published in a national publication.
• Go back to figure drawing classes.
• Become a father. success!
• Upgrade/redesign this website.
• Learn about studio lighting and shooting medium-format film portraiture. - MICA spring courses?

This list will get added to and modified over the next year, so I added a link in the sidebar to remind and motivate myself. To start, I signed up for guitar lessons down the street at Appalachian Bluegrass this afternoon for the month of January. My goal is to be able to play passable rhythm guitar by the end of the year.

Posted on December 31, 2007 2:38 PM | link to this entry | comments (6)

She's Out of My Life.

I'd ordinarily have a picture here, a picture of the Scout on a flatbed truck at the end of my driveway, waiting to make a right turn into traffic and out of my life. I'd have a picture of that here, but it wouldn't capture the ache in my heart at the sight of my girl being taken away, or the sick feeling that I let her down for the last three years because I couldn't afford to keep her under a roof, someplace warm and dry, so that her cancer wouldn't get exponentially worse to the point where both doors wouldn't open. I had to crawl into the liftgate to make sure the transmission was in neutral for the tow truck guy, and that old familiar smell of rubber, vinyl, oil and dirt hit me, the one that made me feel good when I got in and she fired right up, choppy and unsure, until the 30-year-old engine warmed up and flattened to a smooth purr. No picture could capture the feeling of freedom and youth that I felt when coasting down the highway with the top down, barely able to hear myself think over the dull roar of the engine and the whistle of the wind. No picture I took could have described the pang of guilt I felt when I saw that the left rear tire was dragging, leaving a skidmark on the driveway as the guy winched her onto the flatbed, as if to say, I don't want to leave. I've tried to post the last picture I have of her along with the first, but the fucking Internet is slow as dogshit today. I have many pictures of my Scout, and that's all I have left. She's on to a good home, where she'll be restored and loved and treated well, and I have to console myself with that.

Posted on November 27, 2007 11:47 AM | link to this entry | comments (1)

Have a Coke

This evening I stopped into the Forest Diner for a burger and a cup of coffee. There are fewer things I enjoy more than sitting at a counter and reading a paper with my dinner.

Posted on November 17, 2007 11:19 PM | link to this entry

Gloomy.

Jeebus, it's getting so that I can't listen to NPR anymore without getting totally scared out of my head about the economy. Gas is at $100 a barrel, some Chinese government dude mentioned selling off some of America's ridiculously huge debt, mortgage companies are imploding like crack whores after a day in the drunk tank, and our state and federal government are bickering over budget shortfalls. Meanwhile, the President is rattling our debt-leveraged sabers at Iran. I wonder when this country's creditors are going to call in their chips and start repossessing aircraft carriers and national monuments?

It's funny—all this stuff is happening, and there are still twenty or so retards running around the country shaking hands and making speeches, angling to be the next President. I don't know what's going to happen next year, but I'm thinking whoever "wins" is going to get handed a big shit sandwich when they take office. And, if the current talk is to be believed, we're all going to be in a world of hurt by that point. All of this talk is enough to make me stockpile water and ammunition in the basement to wait out the Big One.

What I'd like to see tomorrow is for the Dow and all the financial analysts and the brokers and the Fed to take five, pass around a big fat joint, snack on some Doritos, and agree to chill the hell out. Because I don't want to run a business in the middle of a recession.

Posted on November 8, 2007 8:52 PM | link to this entry

Boringness.

Not much to write about here at Idiot Central...not much that's exciting, anyway. Yesterday I spent about twelve hours at my desk working on various projects, and things are progressing slowly but steadily on most fronts. It suddenly got nail-bitingly cold here in the Mid-Atlantic region, cold enough that I'm praying every night to the Fleece Fairy for more layers. Plans to upgrade some of the windows here at the manse have been put on hold until further checks roll in, at the risk of a mutiny led by my chilly feet. Leaves are changing color and beginning to cover the lawn, which means I have to bust out the blower and start bagging before Christmas. Thankfully, I was able to fix the carburetor on our crappy lawnmower last Sunday, and cut the back half for the first time in two months (you laugh, but with the drought, it wasn't growing anyway). Three hours later, it was covered with leaves again.

Posted on November 8, 2007 10:48 AM | link to this entry

Skills Every Man Should Know.

Popular Mechanics recently published a list of 25 things that every man should know how to do, and this made me think back to a conversation I had with Jen about her skydiving experience and things we'd like to do before we die. She asked me what was on my list, and I could only think of a few things in the moment, which kind of disturbed me. I know I've got a bunch of things I still want to learn to do and experience, and I've crossed a couple off the last couple of years, but I haven't edited The List in a long time. So I'm going to come up with the 2007 version this week and post it here.

In the meantime, I reviewed the Popular Mechanics list and noted what I've done and what I've not done, for your enjoyment:

1. Patch a radiator hose
I did this in the Scout with a couple of spare hose clamps and some duct tape until I could limp to a Wal-Mart and get a fixit kit. That was a white-knuckle ride home, lemme tell you (the spare was in my basement).

2. Protect your computer
Um, duh.

3. Rescue a boater who has capsized
If righting an overturned canoe counts here, I've had plenty of experience. If we're talking about a big cabin cruiser, I'm throwing 'em a life jacket and calling the Coast Guard.

4. Frame a wall
Done it, several times, over wood and concrete. Concrete is a pain in the ass.

5. Retouch digital photos
Are you kidding?

6. Back up a trailer
I actually did this today in the Jeep. I've also done it in a Ford F350 stakebody with no rear visibility on a county highway. Big fun.

7. Build a campfire
Come on. I smelled like woodsmoke every day from the ages of 11 to 16.

8. Fix a dead outlet
Heh, I got a whole house to show you. I also have the remains of a circa 1935 two-prong bakelite outlet which crumbled in my hands as I pulled it from the wall.

9. Navigate with a map and compass
This one is on my list. I have an idea of how it works, but I'd like to get educated.

10. Use a torque wrench
Another one on my list. I know how it works and what the theory is, but I've never used one myself.

11. Sharpen a knife
I've done this poorly several times, but I know how it's supposed to work. I'm assuming one needs to practice.

12. Perform CPR
I want to take a class in this. Never done it.

13. Fillet a fish
No, I've never fileted a fish. I'd like to learn how.

14. Maneuver a car out of a skid
I can both bust the rear tires loose and get them back under me again.

15. Get a car unstuck
Which do you prefer, snow, mud or sand? I've dug out more cars from the snow than I care to remember, and unslogged the Scout from both muddy fields and Assateague sand. Given the choice, I prefer snow.

16. Back up data
Do it every week. Don't you?

17. Paint a room
If I had a nickel for every room I've painted, I could put myself through grad school.

18. Mix concrete
Done this a bit; I even got my future wife to mix it with me, bless her heart.

19. Clean a bolt-action rifle
I don't know how to do this, but I very much want to learn. Also a revolver and an automatic.

20. Change oil and filter
Yep. A VW bus, Nissan Sentra, Mazda pickup, Honda CRX, the Scout, and the Tortoise. I've never changed the Jeep's oil, though.

21. Hook up an HDTV
*sniff* I don't own one, but I'd like to practice.

22. Bleed brakes
I did this once, reading from a shop manual, and was very nervous about it. But I'm still alive, and the car stopped when I told it to.

23. Paddle a canoe
Yep, I've done this quite a bit too, and sunk them as well (see above). I'd like to own my own canoe someday, too.

24. Fix a bike flat
Many flats been changed, both in the woods and in the city.

25. Extend your wireless network
Is this for real? I can think of so many other things that are more important than this. For example:

1. Drive a stickshift. Then learn to double-clutch a stickshift.
2. Cook a steak dinner
3. Disassemble and clean a carburetor
4. Select the proper wine for dinner
5. Handmake an anniversary/birthday card
6. Change a tire (it astounds me how many men I know cannot do this)
7. Plant a garden and grow vegetables
8. Shingle a roof
9. Hang drywall
10. Cut, install and sweat copper piping.
11. Wash and fold laundry (I'm still working on this one)
12. Iron a dress shirt without burning it
13. Hang a door
14. Change a diaper
15. Play a musical instrument
16. Change brake pads
17. Give a foot, back and scalp massage

What have I missed?

Posted on September 16, 2007 11:40 PM | link to this entry | comments (4)

We're #49, And Still Trying

Apparently, our little 'ville is #49 on Money Magazine's top places to live in 2007. It must be the picturesque Friendly's downtown that tipped the scales. Or, maybe it's the drunks stumbling out of Bar at 9AM. Whatever their criteria, the fact remains: we still don't have a good restaurant within walking distance of the house. (Word has it that the one restaurant that's actually worth a damn has been chasing off other prospective restaurateurs with obscure liquor ordinance rules, something that has soured us on ever ordering crabs from them again.)

I was talking with a client who's in a semi-related field a few weeks ago, and he mentioned the recent implosion of the Baltimore advertising community. He compared this town to New York and DC, and said that we've never fostered a real advertising community here because all the shops in town are founded on a burning hatred of one another. Everyone steals clients from everyone else, the employees bounce from place to place, burn out, and eventually all the firms blow up and reform into other firms.

If that's how it actually is, then they should take a chapter from the bustling restaurant scenes downtown, in Fell's Point, and over in Canton. Having one good restaurant in town is great, until the regular patrons get sick of the menu. Having two restaurants across the street from each other is better, because A. if one is full, people can go to the other, and B. people flock to areas where multiple restaurants are concentrated. We are Americans. We want choices, because we're fickle Wal-Mart shoppers, not Soviet citizens waiting in lines for soap and toilet paper. Look at every homogenized strip mall erected in the last twenty years: there's a mexican chain, a steakhouse chain, and an italian chain. Around them are smaller fast food chains. None of them are hurting; on the contrary, there's a two-hour wait for an overcooked, underflavored slab of meat, and there's only Miller Lite on tap. But there are choices, and that makes us happy.

There is strength in numbers, in both advertising and local restaurants. When an area has enough of one thing to reach a critical mass (quality advertising shops or locally-owned restaurants) then people will start showing up. People will come from the other side of the country and the other side of town to check out the scene. And if the food is good, they'll keep coming back.

Posted on August 22, 2007 8:27 PM | link to this entry | comments (2)

M.I.A.

Sorry I haven't been around here much lately. Just as I was getting a little daily momentum going, life got very, very busy. I'm on the road next week, and I'll try to find interesting things to take pictures of in the Land of the Rat. And then, hopefully, things will slow down a little.

Posted on August 3, 2007 9:26 AM | link to this entry | comments (1)

Fireworks

Usually, after the Catonsville Parade is over with, Jen and I spend the evening recovering from heat prostration in the comfort of air conditioning, with eight or nine beers each. It's usually at this time that we make solemn promises to each other that we will NEVER do the parade party again, because of the ever increasing preparation time it takes and the triple-digit heat that always accompanies Independence Day. (Jen wryly pointed out that our prep time increases with the addition of completed rooms in the house. By my calculations, when the whole house is finished, it will take us 364 days to get the place ready for the parade, and then the whole mess will start over again the following day.)

Somewhere around Thanksgiving we start talking about it again, and by Christmas we've forgotten our promises and begun making lists. Then, somewhere around the middle of June, she pokes me and asks if I've remembered that it's bearing down on us like a crazed rhinoceros. I give her a look of dazed panic, she gives me the oh-for-the-love-of-GOD-you're-daft look, and we start preparing.

This year's celebration was a departure from years past on several fronts. The first crucial difference was that we decided not to make so much food: we bought burgers, dogs, and buns, and made a gallon or two of guacamole. And that was it. In years past, we've been cutting and mixing and baking up until the sirens start up outside, which usually means we're hosed.

The second difference was that it was a balmy 85° which made human life tolerable. In years past, after having busted ass for the week leading up to the party, by the time the floats have disappeared and the crowds have dispersed, most of our guests are arranging transport to local hospitals for treatment of heat exhaustion. This year we had a thunderstorm which punctuated the end of the parade, cooled everyone down, and washed away plans for the local fireworks display. That was kind of a drag—we'd been hoping we could convince some friends to check it out with us.

Taking full advantage of the weather and the rain date, last night we packed a bag with water, a blanket, camera gear, and bug spray, and set up a spot on the grounds of the Children's Home of Catonsville to view the spectacle. The field was covered with families, children, dogs, and hooligans lighting off bargain fireworks, so we figured we were in good shape. However, as the official display began, we realized our vantage spot was behind too many trees (they weren't shooting them very high, either) and we hiked down the street to camp out in front of someone's house, where the view was much better. I'm proud to say I didn't spend the entire time behind the lens of my camera, even though I snapped about fifty shots; somewhere in the last 3/4 of the show I leaned over and gave my wife a kiss as the colors lit her face full of wonder and beauty.

Posted on July 8, 2007 5:34 PM | link to this entry

Three Years

In 2003, I asked Jen to be my wife in a quiet, misty square in Georgia, and I was lucky enough to marry her a year later. We've had a hell of a trip since then, watching many things come to a close and enjoying many new beginnings together.

On Saturday we went to Sotto Sopra to celebrate our Savannahversary and enjoyed a wonderful dinner, then spent Sunday in the yard together planting our garden, cleaning out the beds, and trimming the hedges out front. While this doesn't seem like a very anniversary-ish way to spend a weekend, we were looking forward to the time together, away from the office, planting vegetables in our little plot of earth.

I have learned so many wonderful and amazing things from my wife, it would be impossible to list them all here. In many ways, when I met her, I was like those seedlings: full of promise, and ready to grow. We have carefully tended to our garden and made it stronger, taller, and hardy. For all the mistakes we may have made, we've learned how to make things better and help each other bloom. I still feel like I have miles to go, but the person I am today is a long way away from who I was four years ago, and I thank her for all the guidance and support she's given me.

Thank you, baby, for marrying me, and for the three great years we've had together.

(Of course, the Sky Pilot is laughing at us, because yesterday was a balmy 70° while our wedding day felt like the surface of the sun. With locusts.)

Posted on May 23, 2007 9:24 AM | link to this entry | comments (2)

Change of Heart.

This is quick note about a conversation Jen and I had with our neighbors yesterday evening, which was still on my mind as I fell asleep last night. We live next to an ex-serviceman/retired public official and his wife, who are both intensely religious and outwardly Republican. (There are multiple anti-abortion bumper stickers on their vehicles, and they display various religious themed signs on their front lawn year-round.) Despite our differences of opinion, we get along with them very well. During our visit, the subject of Iraq came up, and their comments stopped me in my tracks: They called the war a terrible thing, compared it to Vietnam, and plainly stated that they thought our troops should come home. I felt as if someone was shuffling the tectonic plates underneath my feet as we spoke.

Memo to Mesrrs. Bush, Rove, and Cheney: Your key demographic smells the bullshit.

Posted on April 25, 2007 11:23 AM | link to this entry | comments (3)

You Ain't In The City No More, Boy

On my way home from the bookstore this evening, I decided to pull into the driveway backwards so that the Jeep would be facing outward, something I do whenever I get the chance. This evening I spied something unusual in my headlights, low to the ground and skulking, running across Frederick Road: a red fox, plain as day, watching me warily over its shoulder as it padded over to the opposite side of the street. Due to the arc of my turn, I put the Jeep in reverse and followed it easily with my headlights as it ran across lawns to the lawn of the church, then did a circuit of the pine tree there before disappearing into its foliage.

We've known we have a fox for a neighbor for some time now—we saw one repeatedly last year out the kitchen window and assumed it was living under our neighbor's porch. We've also seen tracks that are too big for a cat and too small for a dog in fresh morning snow through the backyard, so it's no surprise this one is around. Something told me, though, that this was something I was meant to see, so I did a little research. This site has a lot of good information on foxes, including the observation that they're great for hunting varmints, something our yard has in abundance. This is also prime birthing season, which means I may have seen a parent out hunting for dinner (sorry, the garbage cans are empty, pal, but I'd be happy to introduce you to the chipmunks digging condos under the maple in the backyard.)

The idea of totems is relatively new to me, and something I don't usually consider much. The last couple of weeks have me looking for some higher meanings, though—a recent influx of work has me considering my karma, and a current project is testing my patience, professionalism, and good judgement. A cursory search in Google brings up lots of crunchy new-age babblings about spirits and raibows and faeries; yeah, OK, whatever.

The general consensus seems to be that it's a powerful totem and one that is clever and crafty. If I could get some clever and crafty to rub off on me right now, that would be great, because I'm not feeling so sharp lately. I've had a few things happen this week that are making me question my own intelligence, but I've been able to recover without bringing shame upon my dojo. So maybe this is a sign that I've got to tap a little more of my clever and crafty for the future. The Internets also say the fox teaches one how to slip out of unpleasant situations quietly. This talent would normally be be fine, but I'm having some problems with accountability right now, so I figure it's telling me not to fade out, but step up to the plate more consistently. Which means I have a dreaded phone call to make tomorrow morning.

Cleverness, discretion, cunning, quick wit, camouflage: I could have used some of these things for a 1½ phone conversation this afternoon...where were you then, my little friend? Oh, that's right, I was looking out the window, waiting for someone to make a 10-minute point, and I saw a woodpecker. Woodpecker? Sensitivity, protection, devotion...How does that help me with this stuff? Mother Earth, what the hell are you trying to tell me?

Posted on April 4, 2007 10:57 PM | link to this entry

Sick Day

I've got some kind of stomach bug, something I've had since Superbowl Sunday, which means the only people writing anything here have been comment spammers. I have an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow, which is the only thing I like less than being sick. Hopefully the burbling in my gut can be treated with something mild and cherry-flavored.

Posted on February 7, 2007 11:00 PM | link to this entry

Time Out for the Diner

Jen's been away for the past three days, helping her father out (the Word is: he's fine; everything went smoothly) so I've been bachelorizing it here at the Lockardugan Estates. Without her moderating influence, I've been staying up and getting up later, working longer, eating whatever's easy to make and generally not taking care of myself. Today I decided to get out of here for lunch, and ventured out to the Forest Diner for a burger.

The Forest Diner sits across from what used to be the Enchanted Forest, a family owned amusement park that closed years ago. In its place somebody put a Safeway, and at some point the local Diner Conglomerate dropped one of its ugly concrete boxes next to the railcar-original Forest in an attempt to take over the turf. The plucky little diner has held on, however, and they continue to make decent food in a clean, retro atmosphere. The menu may not be as huge, the available seating not as spacious, but the Forest is my favorite place to get a quiet cup of coffee and read the paper.

Posted on October 27, 2006 4:24 PM | link to this entry

Bantam

This marks the second week of working 14-hour days here at Idiot Central. Actually, it could be the third, as I was working double-time up until I left for SF, but I don't remember that far back.

I did decide, however, that my previous conclusion about a new Mac was faulty—after spending time traveling with a balky ThinkPad and an anemic iBook, I'm going to save my shekels for a MacBook (and maybe a MacBook Pro, if I can swing it) for several reasons: Being able to run a separate monitor for presentations, portability, and power. I just wish the RAM wasn't so damned expensive.

Posted on September 19, 2006 12:23 PM | link to this entry

And, Fuck Citibank too.

When I went off to college in the fall of 1989, one of the many things I packed for the trip took up little space, but was one of the biggest lifesavers of all. It wasn't the cofffee machine I never mastered, or the heavy dishes I never washed, or the metric tons of cassette tapes I lugged up and down flight after flight of stairs. No, the lifesaver was a little plastic card issued by Citibank for shlubs like me, entering into the prime target demographic the hallowed halls of higher education like an innocent lamb. Many life lessons were learned there, from banal (don't mix lights and darks, no matter how desperate the need for clean underwear) to life-threatening (don't climb the Howard Street Bridge after three 40's of Crazy Horse) to common-sense (art chicks are crazy) to survival (First Thursdays=free dinner and cheap wine) to painful truth (I can draw really well, but I can't paint worth a damn). One of the best lessons I learned was how to be smart with money, and how not to abuse a credit card. I would—and still do—scoop up change off the sidewalk to afford a beer at the Tavern, dive through dumpsters for furniture, and buy all my best leisure wear at the Goodwill.

For awhile, during the heady days of the Internet Boom, and when I was loosely affiliated with the prosperity that wheezed through Maryland, I lived pretty large. I had a nice little house in the city, a toy truck to play with, and spending cash to have fun with. Somewhere along the way, I started using my credit card for stuff, and got pretty cavalier about it. To the point where I realized one day that I was carrying a balance that was alarmingly large. And this coincided with one of those periods where I wasn't getting paid on time. (You may already know where this is going.) After doing what I could to save money, and missing one payment along the way, I was able to pay the card off—but not before my interest rate was hiked to prime plus 20%.

I vowed never to have this happen again, and went back to my skinflint ways—only buying what I could afford with my debit card from my checking account, and retiring my credit card to the back of my wallet, behind my library and Sam's Club cards. The last time I carried any balance at all on my card was April of '05.

This afternoon, in preparation for booking a flight to California, I pulled it out to see if I could have the APR reduced. The nice lady on the phone cheerfully told me that my account was closed.

Closed? I asked. For what reason?

Because the account has been inactive for a year, she replied. Can I help you with any other services today?

...

So let me get this straight. If I carry a balance of $.01 on my card, Citibank charges me a "handling fee" each month, plus interest. If I don't have any activity on my card at all, for a year, my APR still stays at Prime-plus-anal-rape, and Citibank closes the account without notifying me after I've been a customer of 13 years? Fuck you, Citibank.

Posted on August 30, 2006 5:55 PM | link to this entry | comments (1)

Hooky.

Don't tell my Dad, but I'm not at school today. BG&E cut the power to our block to work on the treeline that runs parallel to our poles, so I'm at the local Panera taking advantage of free wireless and warm coffee. It's not the same thing as sitting at my own desk and an orange cat curled up in the corner, but it's not bad either. Unfortunately, I can't send out e-mail from my main account (something to do with the DNS lookups here, grumble grumble) but otherwise I'm online.

Posted on August 22, 2006 10:27 AM | link to this entry

Window Shopping

If I ever get paid, and actually have money in the bank (gasp), this is a partial list of Stuff I'd Like To Buy:

• The birthday present I have picked out for my wife
• Life insurance
• A pair of dress chinos so that I don't look like a bumbling hick on our client meeting next week
• A new pair of dress shoes to replace the 5-year-old Steve Madden knockoffs I currently own
• A pair of prescription sunglasses to replace the ones I lost in the taxi on the way to our hotel in Rome two years ago
• A set of iPod headphones to replace the ones I've got, which are fraying, cracked, and dynamically mismatched
• The ability to finally subscribe to satellite radio, putting the unit we've had since December to use
• Extra RAM, a new battery, and a CD-burner for the Thinkpad, which needs to be backed up

Supposedly, there's a FedEx package on its way with my name on it. If it ever does arrive, I'll be able to pay 1/2 my upcoming tax bill, the August mortgage, and at least some of my outstanding bills.

Posted on July 26, 2006 10:08 AM | link to this entry | comments (4)

Microbusinesses Uninsured.

Most microbusiness owners lack health insurance at some point. No shit, Sherlock. You had to do a study to find that out?

Meanwhile, the American Medical Association has endorsed a proposal requiring individuals who make at least $49,000 a year to purchase a minimum level of health insurance.

Which only goes to show just how far up their ass the AMA has their heads. We have a "minimum" of health insurance, which translates to a sky-high deductible and no prescription coverage, in case we get hit by a bus or actually are crazy enough to try and procreate. I'd guess somebody at the AMA is being lobbied heavily by the insurance industry, who seem to think that the lower middle class/small business owners of American don't have enough bullshit to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Hopefully, whatever stupid small business association lobbying group is supposedly representing my interests in Washington gets this particular "proposal" shot down, and quick.

How about the AMA decides to bite the hand who's obviously handing them Milk-Bones and start going after the insurance industry for jacking up malpractice insurance rates? (That's right, I live in one of the more doctor-unfriendly states, which is why our G.P. recently decamped to Delaware for "Family Reasons".)

nearly a third of those who responded to the poll said they couldn't find simple, easy-to-read information about their health care options.

Amen, brother. Doing the preliminary research for our little family unit was like reading a Yugoslavian owner's manual at the bottom of a dark well. And I'd have to add that the "options" are pretty spare. There was one plan that looked fantastic until we got to the part about pregnancy, and realized it was written for sterile people.

I'll be thinking about that particular article the next time we fork out $120 on three months' worth of birth control pills.

Posted on June 20, 2006 6:56 PM | link to this entry

Now With Less Harrumph.

This morning, laying in bed clearing the sleep from my eyes, I decided to begin a daily bike ride I've been planning since August of 2004. Last weekend, I pulled both my bikes out of the basement and inflated the tires, checked the chains, and tested the brakes. They're now hanging out in the garage on hooks, where they should get more use and will be easier to access.

This morning's ride took me southward to the edge of the Patapsco Valley State park, which is walking distance from the house here. The weather has been unseasonably cool and dry for June in Maryland, cool enough that I'm kicking myself for not taking advantage of it two weeks ago. Come August, I'm going to be getting up at 5:30 to get in a half-hour's ride before I melt into a puddle of slag in the bike lane.

I used to be a pretty avid rider when I lived in the city and worked for Johns Hopkins—not a spandex peacock riding a $3,000 carbon-fiber spaceship, but an avid rider who biked to work every day and got in at least two mountain-bike rides a week at my peak. I haunted the local bike shops for used parts to upgrade my rides. I had a set of city wheels for my beater bike, and got to where I was pulling as much crap off the frame to lighten the bike as I could. I used to have rider's legs and a decent cardiovascular system, which meant I could climb the hill from the Harbor to Eutaw Place without feeling winded, and I could hold my own on the hilly singletrack of Avalon. When I quit Hopkins and started working outside the city, my riding dropped off dramatically, and in the last two years I've been on my bikes a total of five times.

Today it felt like coming home, even though I was on my mountain bike for what is really a road bike's ride. The air was crisp and fresh, the birds were out, and I explored a section of the park I've not seen yet. Along the way, I stopped to read a park map and spied a whitetailed deer and her foal creeping through the woods not 50 feet away. We stopped and looked at each other, and in the blink of an eye both were gone as quietly as they'd come. The ride back home is just right for someone as out-of-shape as me; lots of climbing with landings in between to catch one's breath.

Along the way, I happened upon the only other running Scout I've seen in the area, a tan '78 not unlike ours, parked in a driveway nearer the park, chocked with a 2x4'. If the time comes when I'm ready to give up Chewbacca, I know who to approach for a good home.

* * *

In other news, I got an email from a fellow who publishes an online magazine, asking if he could use some of my Bimini photos to accompany a story he wrote about the island. He also mentioned that the Compleat Angler, a bar/hotel we drank at while we were there, and a historic landmark of the island (Hemmingway preferred to stay there when he was on the island), burned down in January. I can't tell you how sad this news is, and how devastating this must be for the local economy—there aren't more than five bars we saw for tourists to visit on the south end of the island, and the Angler was hands-down the one with the most style and panache. On the heels of the plane crash last December, this is just awful news.

Posted on June 13, 2006 9:48 AM | link to this entry

Peeking

I'm here. Just very busy juggling various projects. Be back soon.

Posted on May 31, 2006 4:24 PM | link to this entry

The Stand-Ins.

I have these reoccurring dreams every couple of weeks, where I'm in a house that doesn't look like my house, but I know it's my house, and in order to get to the bedrooms upstairs, I have to crawl through incredibly convoluted passageways and tunnels that get progressively smaller and tighter. It's kind of fun in a spelunking, let's-explore-the-house kind of way, but also unnerving in a claustrophobic, poking-at-the-latent-fear sort of way. I don't know what it means, or what my subconscious is trying to tell me, but I found myself living the dream at Port Discovery this weekend while following two preschool boys through a three-story jungle gym.

The chick at the front desk says that they encourage adults to explore with the kids (which makes sense, because the jungle gym spits out in different places on multiple floors, making it difficult to keep tabs on one's children) but I suspect the guy who designed the jungle gym didn't get that memo. Once you've crawled your 35-year-old body into the bowels of the gym—and let's not kid ourselves here, the gym is the first thing you see after entering, sort of like a three story child vacuum—the twists and turns get progressively smaller and tighter, to the point where you're simultaneously trying to keep up with your child, twist your body upside-down, avoid kicking somebody else's kid who's crawling directly behind your ass, and hoist yourself up through a hole the size of a toilet seat. Not for the faint of heart or weak of spine. The capper is that once your child has made it up two stories of vertebra-twisting rope and maze, there's a freaking slide which ends up back down on the main floor. Jen and I quickly made the decision to play a zone defense, with her stationed at the bottom of the slide with the camera, and me in the second story of the gym to make sure our charges didn't veer off to other sections of the building. (This was after two attempts at wedgie suicide following the boys down the slide.) This strategy proved wise, and we used it for the rest of the afternoon in various patterns—so successful, in fact, Jen helped another kid find his parents (who were still using obsolete man-to-man coverage and trapped somewhere in the cattle chute on Floor 2.)

Don't get me wrong—it was fun, and that place is a good way to kill the better part of a morning until an hour and a half after naptime; I'm just saying from a personal-injury standpoint, there are a few places in the Gaping Maw Of Ropes And Piping that could be optimized for us parental units (or, stand-in parental units, as in our case.) Also, because it's right outside the front door, you will not be able to get past the McDonald's without a Happy Meal before you leave. They've got you coming and going, I'm afraid.

On the whole, our experience as stand-ins went very well. So well, in fact, that we wore those kids down to tired, cranky, crying nubbins by Saturday evening [puffs out chest.] A walk to the park, Port Discovery, a nap, some kite-flying in the park, and a trip to Opie's for ice cream made it an all-American weekend. Plus, the boys got a younger brother in the bargain.

Sunday we contented ourselves with quiet, peaceful outdoor activities; Jen hit the garden and I started rehabbing the windows on the south side of the house, followed by Easter dinner on the grill and some cold beers. I can't remember the last time I slept more soundly. And, I didn't have any dreams about climbing in confined spaces, which was good.

Posted on April 17, 2006 10:23 AM | link to this entry | comments (2)

New Favorite Timesuck.

I stumbled on this site this morning, a blog dedicated to all sorts of awesome old things that I like (cameras, musical instruments (weighted towards keyboards) and robots. This sort of dovetails with the MAKE: blog, with links to all kinds of interesting projects.

Speaking of projects, I have a line on the paper for our light tent, and the lumber is downstairs waiting to be cut. I think I'm going to have to get started on the construction this week while we wait for the supplies to arrive.

Posted on April 12, 2006 8:48 AM | link to this entry | comments (1)

National Bohemian.

Browsing the crowded aisles of one of our neighborhood antique stores on Sunday, Jen came upon this lovely reminder of our region's brewing history. I bought it for $4 to add to my small collection of National Beer epherma. El Boh has separated from his paper backing by about 1/16 of an inch, and there's some discoloration, but otherwise he's as clean as can be. I have a series of custom-made frames half finished in the basement for my other two National stickers, and I'll have to add this one to the collection.

Posted on April 3, 2006 10:59 AM | link to this entry | comments (1)

Holy Crap! How Did I Miss This?!?

Story by Marc L. Songini
MARCH 10, 2006
Maryland House votes to oust Diebold machines

The state of Maryland stands poised to put its entire $90 million investment in Diebold Election Systems Inc. touch-screen e-voting systems on ice because they can't produce paper receipts.

The state House of Delegates this week voted 137-0 to approve a bill prohibiting election officials from using AccuVote-TSx touch-screen systems in 2006 primary and general elections.

Healey said the law would require that the machines provide a paper trail before the 2008 elections or Diebold would risk losing its contract with the state.

The bill also requires that any leased optical-scan system be equipped to accommodate the needs of handicapped voters, to ensure compliance with the federal Help America Vote Act statutes.

Could this be true? Could my shredded, battered, naiive faith in our elected officials be saved?

Posted on March 10, 2006 11:42 PM | link to this entry

Again, Five Years Behind The Cultural Zeitgeist.

We just finished the first season of Six Feet Under last night. Apparently, this show came out in, like, 1999 or 2000 or something, and totally flew right over our heads. It could be that we don't have HBO and that I waited three years too long to open up a Netflix account, or it could be that I'm just a cheap bastard. Whatever the case, we love the series (or, at least, the first season of it.) I think that the first episode kind of took us by surprise, and then we were immediately hooked. Now, I've heard varying reviews of the next couple of seasons (and don't go telling us what happens, people), and I think we're looking forward to Season 2, but we've decided to take a break on it and switch over to something different. Like Trainspotting. And then, Shaun of the Dead.

We made it through the Baltimore Blizzard just fine, although heading out to see Miss Lis at Molly's did not happen—my apologies, Lis. There's about 12" of fresh snow down here in Catonsville, and for whatever reason shovelling it yesterday was a lot easier than the last snowfall we had—the last snowfall was that dry blustery kind that just blows all over the place, whereas this was the kind of snow that made big white drifts stick to the side of the house. I decided that cookies were in order if we were getting snowed in, and made them better than last time (something about packing the brown sugar.) The neighbor's son came out and helped me clear the driveway with his snowblower, and breathed whisky fumes downwind to me while we chatted. It's good to see some things don't change.

Finally, I inherited another iMac last week, this one a slot-loading model (the date stamped on the CD-ROM is October 1999), and slapped a 120GB drive into it on Saturday. Most of Sunday was spent watching HGTV and a freaky Sherlock Holmes movie starring Robert Duvall (WTF??!?!) and loading my backup music files onto the machine. Purple, the old reliable warhorse I've dragged from home to work and back again, will be retired, and the new Bondi Blue machine will take its place.

Posted on February 13, 2006 10:34 AM | link to this entry

That Hit The Spot.

We went down the street to the Rite Aid for some cough medicine. My throat was feeling more and more gravelly, and my voice was getting lower and lower. We bought the off-brand NyQuil knockoff, and I took two tablespoons when we got home.

At this point, I'm feeling less and less able to function cohesively. It's getting lighter and spacier in here, and I feel pretty groovy. I think I'm signing off now.

Posted on January 30, 2006 9:31 PM | link to this entry

Small Victories.

So I'm up last night (Monday? Tuesday? What day is this?) at about 1AM working on my design portfolio in hopes of getting some new work. My initial idea was to lay the whole thing out in CSS and be all propeller-head, but my brain has been very soggy lately. After a few hours I switched to a table-based layout, and I was still having issues up until midnight. (I started in the early afternoon.) By 12:30 I was feeling very discouraged and blocked, so I turned to the internet to do some reading for a break. One of the first things I saw discouraged me to the point of crushing depression. I'm not going into the specifics here, but it made me look back and my own work and feel very worthless. At that point, I tried to rally but I just didn't have it in me—it was like watching either of those two playoff games last weekend as a Denver or Carolina fan: nothing was working like it was supposed to, and by the end it was just embarassing.

I dragged ass to bed and laid awake for another hour and a half, attempting to convince myself that I was still a valuable commodity (actually, staving off panic is a better description) and finally drifted off to a troubled sleep. Every year or so, I get into a funk where I start measuring my life by all kinds of evil yardsticks—where I thought I'd be by now when I was 21, my life compared to other people I know, my career compared to other people's careers, etc. Usually the results are the same: I'm upset and depressed and scared, and it takes many beers or some good news to get me out of the rut. It looks like this year is no different, and I got caught up in the self-flagellation thing again.

However, there are bright spots. Jen made chocolate cake two days ago, and it's made sitting in the office for twelve hours at a clip much easier.

Today I woke up (at 10:30, ugh) and had a new idea on how to approach the structure of the site; by 4pm I had it mapped out and most of the bugs de-bugged. I uploaded everything at 12:30 this evening, and hopefully it's working correctly in most browsers.

Behold: the new design portfolio, four (five?) years in the making. Still to do:
Check in older browsers. This is a CSS-based layout, so I'm hoping it doesn't puke all over itself in Netscape 4.X or whatever old shite browsers are still out there.
Fix the timeline. there's one page out of order with the rest.
Fix the footer. I wanted the footer to head all the way to the bottom of the page, but CSS footers are a big pain in the ass without using tables.
Link up all the damn pictures. eventually, the thumbnails are supposed to switch out with the main picture; I don't have the energy to size down all the damn pictures right now. I'd also like to have the bottom of the tan area stay at a fixed position—but that's for another day.

This also marks the unveiling of my new design identity, the first one in five or so years. Jen did a wonderful job distilling my identity down to the basics, and developing a cohesive design for the "brand"—design will have a separate identity from illustration, which will make both distinctive and different. I'm waiting for some checks to roll in so that I might be able to get the business cards printed, after about four years of having none.

* * *

We decided to hit the Gooch this afternoon at lunch to get out of the house. The Gooch is the local thrift store, right inside the city line, and sometimes the pickings are good. I poked around the books, looked through the clothes (nothing) and then found the "Electronics" section—usually a shelf or two of computer monitors and old inkjet printers. Today, though, I found a Sony CCD FX510 video-8 handycam sitting on the shelf, with an attached DC battery pack (meaning it plugs directly into the wall.) I futzed around with it for a few minutes, plugged it in, and fooled with the controls until I got a picture in the eyepiece; the tag said $9.95 as-is. I figured that if it powered on and made signal to the eyepiece, it was worth $10, so I snagged it. Miracle of miracles, Sony still has it listed on their site even though it's analog tape—but they do have a scanned PDF of the owner's manual. So all I need now is one Video-8 tape to test the record function. Update:I can get tape for $4 and a battery (providing the tape mechanism works) for as low as $20.

I also found three books in the circa-1954 "Made Simple Self-Teaching Encyclopedia" series: Astronomy, Physics, and Mathematics. They're sort of the "For Dummies" books from the Eisenhower era, and they have a cool vibe to them. Obviously some of the information is dated, but I figure the basics of astronomy and physics haven't changed at all, and they'll make for some fun reading.

Posted on January 24, 2006 11:30 PM | link to this entry | comments (3)

Restoring The Rule Of Law.